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Product details
File Size: 1322 KB
Print Length: 274 pages
Publisher: Oxford University Press; 1 edition (August 2, 2017)
Publication Date: August 2, 2017
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B0744MPYY5
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This book is shocking, discouraging, sad to the point of being tragic, and everybody should read it. The main point is that cheap sex--and by cheap sex, Professor Regnerus means not just the fact that many people readily jump into bed with each other (often with the assistance of technology like Tinder) when they are barely acquainted, but also that porn frequently replaces even this level of human contact--has destroyed romance and wooing and is quickly replacing marriage in our country. Because sex is so readily available, people have lost the script that led them to marriage, family and permanence.Men and women are not the same with regard to sex. This has proven to be true in study after study, much as contemporary ideas about equality want to deny it. In general, men have more desire for sex than women. Women desire sex too, but they also want it with love, attention, care and, if they are smart, permanence. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and even if they don't want to give it away cheaply, men now expect it and can go elsewhere if a woman does not put out. In other words, if women want male attention, they have to give sex away cheaply because other women do and men won't hang around if they don't. It's a vicious circle which leads to untold numbers of young people who have failed relationship after failed relationship--called confluent love in the book--that never lead to the kind of permanence that both men and women want, but that has been destroyed by ready access to sex and porn. The age at marriage rises higher and higher, the number of people who will marry in their lifetime (though most want to marry) shrinks lower and lower, and people don't understand what is wrong, It's a horrible situation for women and children especially, but for men too because they too are happier when they are married and faithful.I'm 61 and have been happily married for 41 years. Even though sex was becoming cheap when we met and courted, in our community it was greatly discouraged and we both knew that wasn't what we wanted. What fun it was to be wooed and won by my husband, who has since been faithful, a great provider and a fabulous father to our 5 children. If people want permanent love and strong intact families, this is the best way to get there. Regnerus amply shows that cheap sex makes such happy endings very difficult and precarious. Unfortunately, all unmarried people are part of the market that demands cheap sex whether they want to be or not. Can this be changed? Change in this realm is very difficult because it requires understanding the problem, the cooperation of all women together, and basic social mores that force men to pay the price for love.Interestingly, this book is about the marriage market and the role sex plays in it, not so much about the spiritual and relational joys of marriage, but ultimately it is about these too, because cheap sex more often than not destroys the possibility of these higher and deeply satisfying goods. In its place, sex is an important glue that holds marriage together, produces children and gives the couple something wonderful they can share. Wrongly used, it kills romance, family and everything it touches.
What happens to a society when the price of something that everybody wants suddenly goes way down?What if that thing is sex?What happens if the cheaper sex alternatives compete with the desire and perceived need to get married?Mark Regnerus sets out to answer these questions in his book Cheap Sex. Professor Regnerus discusses the issue thoroughly with both survey evidence and interviews with young people caught up in this new sexual marketplace.Ultimately, the answer to these questions is that we really don't know what will happen. Regnerus remains optimistic that our society will go on and that we'll adapt to these new realities.I've read some critical reviews of this book. I'd like to mention two things vis-a-vis the critics: First Professor Regnerus announces his bias at the beginning of the book. Everybody is biased. It is nice to know where the author stands so we can shade our opinions of what he says accordingly. We can never be without bias.Second, Professor Regnerus offers a number of predictions of how the trends he addresses will play out in future. These predictions give the book a certain immunity from criticism: if you want to prove Regnerus wrong, you don't have to opine, to cite evidence or to come up with witty rejoinders. All you have to do is wait. And you'll see if he was right or wrong.I have a sneaking suspicion that somebody who thought as deeply on these issues is going to be more right than wrong.I'd also like to draw your attention to a sentence on page 62 of the book. "In truth, I was wrong about Tinder (though nobody knew it because I never publicly wrote about it)."He then goes on to explain the nature of his incorrect prediction. I hope you see what's happening here. Prof. Regnerus is admitting a mistake. But he's not just doing that. He's GRATUITOUSLY admitting a mistake. Nobody could possibly have caught him in that error, because his error was never published. Yet he wants the reader to know how his previous thinking was wrong, and how the facts have corrected that mistake. Everybody is wrong all the time. Only the best of us admit it. That admission (along with the many times the author tells you he's guessing because the facts we have at hand are incomplete) lends more credibility to this book than anything else. His intellectual humility is to be imitated.
I recently purchased this book and an about 25% into it - so I may update my review later.So why review the book this early? Because:1. Even at this early point I'm impressed with Regnerus's scholarship on this important issue, and2. The negative "reviews" (a) are *not* verified purchases (sure, I realize not everyone purchases their books at Amazon, but why post a review here otherwise?) (b) are rants rather than thoughtful criticisms. I'd hate to see this book (or any book) be ignored because of negative reviews that don't address the content of the book per se.
There is much talk about modern dating, marriage, and sex, but what is really happening is often unclear. This accessible, but well researched and documented work, shows that a profound transformation is occurring that will have huge implications. It turns out that the renowned sociologist Anthony Giddens' work "The Transformation of Intimacy" correctly identified the emergence of confluent love. Confluent love is not forever love, but love that asks whether this relationship is satisfying for both parties. When one party answers "no," the relationship does not continue. Through original research and interviews, along with analysis of other cutting edge research, Mark Regnerus makes a compelling argument that confluent love is the new norm that is shaping our dating and marriage relationships. For good or ill, neither the left not the right will be happy with the result, confluent love has changed expectations and patterns. This lively and engaging work can be read by the non-specialist and specialist alike.
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